“I don’t know how you do it all Mari, you seem to have it all together all the time”
It may seem from the outside I have everything together but most days this could not be further away from the truth. Most days I am rushing from here to there, dropping so many plates as I go. Unfortunately, as mothers, there is that external expectation society has on us that we can do everything. Social media only adds to this pressure; the constant stream of pretty pictures and stories Instagram serves us every day. The endless scrolling whilst muttering words to ourselves
‘How does she do it all’
‘she looks so perfect’
‘she seems so happy’
‘I wish I had more of her life’
You must remember this is only a snapshot of their life and many do not share the shit bits. I love this quote so much…
“Comparison is the thief of joy”
If you are comparing yourself with Instagram, this is not real life and will only make you miserable. Please do not do it. Approach Instagram with caution and only follow those accounts which fill you up. I am not ashamed to say that I have been guilty of comparing myself with others especially those in the same industry as me, trust me this is not a road you want to go down. It has required hours of self-development and discipline to create healthy habits with social media. Which, some days I do not stick to. Why do we do it to ourselves? (sighs!)
Anyway, I am waffling now. I wanted to share with you the real truth of how I ‘manage’ (well try) all the areas of my life whilst still staying true to myself and my values. It didn’t happen overnight, it has been a hell of a journey. For those of you who are new around here, I am a mother of two children (Arthur 5 and Florence 3), a wife and a business owner. And I must not forget I am ‘Mari-Carmen’, somewhere in there I am ‘me’, which I try to not neglect (laughs). Aside from the responsibilities of being a mother, wife and business owner, there are also a lot of other things/people I choose to make time for.
Towards the end of my 20s I started to read books about self-development, I guess that is where it started. I started to develop a greater level of self-awareness and took time to get to know myself. I then started working with my therapist when I turned 30. I realised I had come very far reading the books and listening to the podcasts but there were still many blocks I didn't know how to overcome. Coincidently this came at the same time as starting a life-changing project in my business. It was the right time to start this journey, I know spending time getting to know myself would have positive effects on both my personal life and my business.
Rewind back to my late 20s before I started working with my therapist, I started to recognise how many extra things I committed to each week that I really didn’t have to do. Actually, when I started to question these extra things I was doing, half the time I didn’t want to do them. Yet I put that expectation on myself that I had to do them. Slowly one by one I started to take a step back from these things and relationships. Not going to lie there was huge resistance and some things were harder to step away from than others. Whenever I said no to something I remember feeling this overwhelming guilt come over me and I would then question my decision for hours afterwards. Yes, I stepped away from the extra thing/relationship but it was not without huge self-criticism. I recognised this was something I needed to work on, there was still this voice inside telling me I wasn’t good enough and I needed those extra things.
This is when I realised I needed to seek further help and overcome this inner battle. I started my journey with my therapist last summer. Over the last 12 months, I have changed so much as a person and have created better boundaries. When it comes to managing my time, I wanted to share some of my top tips which have helped me over the last 12 months
What is most important to you? Start by making a list of the top priorities in your life, I would try and keep this to 3 things. For me, it’s my children, my husband and my business. This is where I focus most of my energies. In my 20s I was known for making 3 types of plans in one day, I had to see my various friends and family. It felt like I was running from place to place all the time. Many of these relationships I realised were not actually giving me anything and often I was a pair of ears. I would challenge you to assess your relationships and ensure those relationships are filling you up. I now have a small handful of good friends who I see from time to time; good friends you do not have to see all the time. They will always be there and will understand how busy life gets. Once you start to filter through relationships you will start to create more time in your life that you realised you didn’t have.
Track how you spend your time. For 7 days track how you spend your day, literally write down what you are doing each hour. I guarantee you will find the hours you have lost scrolling through Instagram or doing something you really do not want to do.
Invest in you. All these tips read like easy things to do but honestly, they are very hard. I mentioned previously how much resistance I faced when trying to step away from things and relationships which didn't serve me. This was a reflection of where I was and my self-confidence. I felt scared and nervous stepping away from these things. Fear of negative things happening and constantly questioning myself. If this is you then I would recommend exploring this further with you.
The definition of self-confidence is a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.
Trusting yourself and following your intuition is not easy. It certainly didn’t come easy for me, it has taken years of work. Spending time building my self-confidence has enabled me to get so many things done as now choose how I spend my time. The time I spend is only with those things and relationships I wish to spend time with. This is how I manage all these things as I have simply made this group of things a hell of a lot smaller. And you know what when life gets busy even my 3 important plates, the kids, my husband and my business can suffer. I do not see this as a failure, I see this as life. I know if I am trying my best to spin these three plates then that’s all I can do.
“All you can do is your best and that is enough”
Love Mari-Carmen